Three Stages of Unitarian Universalism

Many years ago now, when I was minister of my first little Unitarian Universalist church in Washington state, I came to work one Monday morning, and I forgot that it was newsletter day, and the church secretary reminded me that I had exactly one half-hour to hand in my minister’s column before press time. Having learned early on that the last person ministers can afford to aggravate is the church secretary, I quickly searched for something, anything, that I could turn into a column.

At the time I was reading the hot best seller of that year, Gail Sheehy’s book, Passages. Sheehy’s popular thesis, you may recall. Is that we all go through similar stages, or “passages” of personal development at roughly similar times of life. Most teenagers, for example, tend to wrestle with the same kinds of issues. Most thirty-something’s likewise are all dealing with the same issues as their peers.

Indeed, everywhere one turned that year, it seemed, someone was applying this kind of “stage theory” of personal development to every conceivable situation and group one could imagine. I had read articles that year on “Stages of Teaching” and “Stages of Ministry” and “Stages of Cooking.” And so, with our secretary’s wrath hanging over my head, I dashed off a column called, “Three Stages of Unitarian Universalism.” It took me precisely fifteen minutes to write, and it was written mostly tongue-in-cheek as an insider parody for my congregation. Later on I asked our secretary, who was a rather humorless Mormon lady, if she found my column funny. “Oh, was it supposed to be funny?” she asked. “It seemed pretty accurate to me,” she said.

What’s been truly amusing and interesting to me, is to see what has happened to this hastily-written little column of mine over the years. It was immediately picked up and reprinted in numerous UU church newsletters, sometimes with very serious introductions by ministerial colleagues, all over the country. It still gets sent to me from time to time when some church or other reprints it. It’s actually been used in the curricula of three UU Leadership Schools over the years. My own seminary in Chicago reprinted it and used it in their “Introduction to Ministry” course one year. A couple of years ago it was used in a seminar of religious educators, asking the ponderous question, “What are the implications of O’Neill’s analysis for liberal religious education?”

When it was finally published one year in the UU World magazine, I just had to smile. It has taught me to be careful about what one writes, especially if one is intending to be only half-serious in a given piece.

I say half-serious because I do think that the three stages of Unitarian Universalism that I am about to share with you have a lot of truth in them. I think they will be easily recognizable to anyone who’s been around a UU congregation for any length of time. And I think, if we are honest, it is not too hard to see ourselves somewhere in this typology. You can refer back to some of the answers you gave in the survey as you follow along with me here. But do keep in mind, this was originally written to keep my Mormon secretary from going on strike.

(And if per chance this is your first visit to a UU congregation this morning, the survey may actually help you classify some of the folks you meet in coffee hour today.)

So let us begin. Like Caesar’s ancient Gaul, all UUism is divided into three parts: there is the New UU, the Mid-UU, and the “Deep UU.”

As will soon be apparent, these stages or categories have nothing to do with how long or how much time one has been in a UU congregation. Nor is the movement from one category to another necessarily a linear progression of some kind. Like the Stages of Grief, the stages of UUism can be a spiral for some people, coming back around from time to time. Some people stay, quite contentedly, in the “New UU” stage forever. And some folks are in fact “Deep UU’s” before they even grace their first Unitarian Universalist pew.

First, the New UU Stage:

The New UU, just in from the cold and discovering the joys of Unitarian Universalism for the first time, typically still struggles with some strongly negative feelings about the religion of his or her upbringing. If folks in this stage sometimes come across as negative about religion in general, it is often for good reason. Very often newcomers to UUism only arrive here in their adulthood after coming out of very negative religious backgrounds. Often, theirs are “exclusion stories” of having gone through periods when they felt like exiles in the very traditions in which they were raised.

Upon discovering the UU environment for the first time, New UU’s often find this kind of church an exciting and liberating experience. They often weren’t sure that anything like this kind of open religious community existed, and they aren’t quite sure they can trust it. And often they haven’t fully moved away from some of the negative associations that religion has always had for them.

For this reason, the New UU critique of religion is often strongly “rationalistic.” New UU’s tend to have a distrust for anything too “Spiritual.” Vocabulary, or more precisely, wordplay is often extremely important to New UU’s. Words like “God,” “worship,” “Prayer,” “Church,” “sermon,” and “Minister” are very difficult words for some people in the New UU stage to utter or even hear. This, no matter how often, carefully, or caringly such vocabulary has been unpacked by other UU’s who obviously do not use those vaunted words as they have been so often used or abused by other traditions in other times. These difficult vocabulary words, for some folks, all too often tend to have negative memories associated with them, reminding them of the Lutheran church where they grew up in Wisconsin, or the Bible-pounding Baptist minister they despised back in Kentucky when they were kids.

The fact is many New UU’s are highly distrustful of institutionalized religion period, including this one – whenever it hints of being too organized or formal. And some New UU’s, who if you ask them will tell you they adamantly reject stereotyping of every other variety, find no problem at all stereotyping clergy. (Anti-clericalism is the one naked prejudice, someone once put it to me, that they’ve ever seen go unchallenged in a UU coffee hour.)

Religiously speaking, folks in the New UU stage are often in the process of coming out of the religion closet, and sometimes they still have a hard time telling their families of origin that they have finally found a church that makes sense to them. This is not an easy thing to do, because sometimes they have been told that such news will bring nothing but heartbreak to their devoutly mainstream parents or siblings.

New UU’s search for ways to explain Unitarian Universalism in twenty-five words or less to their friends, which, of course, is impossible. So it’s just easier sometimes to tell folks what they don’t believe in anymore, rather then tell what they do affirm in faith and good conscience. In truth, most New UU’s are pretty sure about what they reject, and are still pretty uncertain about exactly what they affirm.

New UU’s hope the question never comes up at a dinner party, not because they are embarrassed to be Unitarian Universalists, but because the whole business is just so hard to explain in a simple way to strangers.

As I say, some folks remain in this New UU stage for a lifetime, and for some folks that is sufficient. They come to church every now and then, or they come to church every week, and they find something here that is greatly satisfying and important. They like the people they meet here, or they like the music, or the committees, or the sense of community, the friends they make here. And that’s enough for them.

The second Stage is called the Mid-UU.

In most healthy Unitarian Universalist congregations, the Mid-UU’s comprise the bulk of the membership. Usually, Mid-UU’s have been around for a while, and having arrived at a more sure place for themselves, Mid-UU’s have unpacked their vocabulary a bit. Words that might once have caused them to stutter or bite their lip – words like God, Church, and worship begin to lose some of their toxicity for this group. Even if they themselves don’t use such words very often, it’s okay for them to hear others do so. Still, wordplay is always fun for most UU’s.

Mid-UU’s have gotten weary of their negative religious identity, and they are now generally interested in defining their beliefs in a more positive way.

Comparative religions interest the Mid-UU, who is generally at work constructing a personal eclectic theology. They look for kernels and principles of truth in various religions, and they find the study of religions productive for themselves. Moreover, having earned their street creds as “rationalists” during their New UU days, Mid-UU’s often express some willingness, even hunger, for more “spirituality” in their church.

Mid-UU’s are the worker bees of the congregation. They populate most of the committees, they pay their annual pledges gladly, they attend Congregational Meetings, they give over some of their evenings to church work because they want to contribute something back to the place, and because they feel ownership of the congregation. They refer to “our” congregation, and “my” church. They volunteer to teach in the Sunday School occasionally, even if they themselves are not parents, or even after their own children are grown. Because they care about this place.

Mid-UU’s attend the denomination’s annual General Assembly some years, as parish representatives and delegates. They follow the denomination’s structure and polity. They know that First U Brooklyn is part of the Metro NY District, for example.

Mid-UU’s make excellent Unitarian Universalist evangelists. Maybe because they don’t have any problem with the word evangelists. They have found at least a 35 word definition of UUism that they give to their friends. And they sometimes invite frinds to church, because they are proud of what happens here and because they think their friends might like it too. While many if not most Mid-UU’s remain in this category for years and years, if they stick with it and continue to grow, Mid-UU’s sometimes move to an even deeper level of Unitarian Universalism, the “Deep UU” Stage.

This third stage, what I call the Deep UU, is roughly equivalent to Erikson’s “Generative” Stage, or to Fowler’s “Prophet” stage. Deep UU’s exhibit a truly eclectic theology, independently arrived at. The first hallmark of a Deep UU is a true tolerance and understanding of the other two stages. Deep UU’s have at last moved beyond wordgame addiction and view theological language as something to be used to communicate esoteric ideas and concepts, not swordplay. Their generosity of spirit often earns them recognition as church elders, counselors, mentors, and healers.

Deep UU’s come to worship on Sundays no matter what the announced topic is or who is in the pulpit that week. While they love and understand the traditional elements in our worship, they also enjoy and welcome the introduction of the new and the creative and the innovative. The have reached the balance we all seek of the rational and the spiritual, of individual and community life.

Deep UU’s have actually read a book or two on Unitarian Universalist history, because they recognize that sacred story as their own.

Deep UU’s are found sprinkled throughout the life of a healthy congregation. Even though their own children might be grown, for example, Deep UU’s continue to support the religious education program and support and applaud children’s place in the life of the congregation. Even though they may already have served their time on the Board, or the Women’s Alliance, and may have chaired or been president in their day, Deep UU’s find ways to support the current leaders of the congregation and to follow the current issues of congregation governance. Even though they have helped, many of them, to create and shape the congregation’s history, they continue to push for vision and responsible planning for the congregation’s future.

Deep UU’s, let it also be noted, support the ministry of their congregation, from minister to minister. They realize that individual ministers have varied strengths and weaknesses to their personalities, like any other human beings. Deep UU’s find ways to support the strengths and forebear with the weaknesses. And Deep UU’s understand that their Unitarian Universalist minister is not the Presbyterian minister they grew up with in Peoria, and should not be prejudged for that. Deep UU’s call anti-clericalism for the stereotype that it is.

Lastly, and this is very important, true Deep UU’s encourage the church’s vision to extend beyond just the four walls of our meeting place to the world beyond. Deep UU’s are world citizens and practitioners of interfaith cooperation and vision.

Deep UU’s come in all ages and shapes and sizes, as I’ve said, but age is an advantage in getting to this stage. Most of us need the practice and experience that only years can provide in reaching our full personal potential as religious souls. As Howard Thurman used to say, life is just a chance to grow a soul. But not all old people are wise or generous or learned. And not all old UU’s become Deep UU’s either. Unfortunately.

Well, there you have it, my three stages of Unitarian Universalism. How do you see yourself on the scale? I’ll give you one hint: if you want to fight more about the vocabulary of the model than the idea, that will tell you something right there.

Truthfully, there are days when I find myself with all the tolerance, caring, and insight of a Deep UU, and there are days when I am the very model of a New UU, so I’m pretty sure these stages aren’t set in concrete for any of us. Like all such contrivances though, I think this one can help us look at ourselves and our fellow pilgrims on the UU road, and maybe help us smile at ourselves and we seek to grow into the people we hope someday to become.

Did I tell you that you can classify UU congregations on the same scale? There are New UU congregations and Mid-UU congregations and Deep UU congregations. How would you classify our congregation here at First U? Certainly since 1833 this venerable old church has seen a lot of great UU’s live out their values here. We’re glad you’re here to be part of it today.