Redrawing Our Lines

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By John Lenker

When I was only 5 years old, tragedy struck—at least from the perspective of my Aunt Barb, who, at age 10, was more like an older sister.

You see, Barb had been working meticulously on a coloring book for days. And she was careful to make sure that each picture was neat and perfect and she only had a few pages to go until it was finished.

And then one afternoon I saw it lying on the table, unattended, and decided to “help her” finish it.

When she went to pick up where she’d left off and saw what I had done, she was so upset!

To make matters worse, not only had I colored outside the lines a little, but apparently I’d chosen “inappropriate” colors, which set her off enough that she literally tried to drown me in the community swimming pool later that day.

This is a true story. I still remember thinking I was going to die as she held me under the water.

Now, those of you who know me know that I really love to socialize. And as I’ve gotten to know some of you who are relatively new—not only new to this church, but also new to the idea of even being involved with a church at all, I realize that this fellowship has triggered some of the same transformations in thinking and behavior that I, myself, have experienced.

For whatever reason—call it serendipity, fate, God’s will—we’ve arrived here at this key intersection in our life’s journey where we find ourselves—not accidentally, but deliberately coloring outside the lines that have historically given shape to our identities and definition to our respective concepts of reality.

And we find ourselves surprised and maybe a bit scared because we realize that there are inherent risks to venturing outside of the familiar, pre-printed pictures to which we’ve long-since resigned ourselves. And, for many of us, our senses of consciousness have become so activated that we’ve come to the profound moment when we stop asking ourselves: “How do I define myself?”, and have begun asking the more catalytic question: “How should I define myself?”

“How should I define myself?”

This is a tougher question to answer because it’s so open ended.

When we think about it, the model many of us’ve been given throughout our lives—especially those of us over 30—doesn’t support this type of question at all. It decidedly doesn’t ask …

“Johnny, how do you think you should you define yourself? Here’s a blank sheet of paper; take your time and create any picture you’d like.”

Instead, we’ve been given more of a “multiple choice” model:

“From the coloring book you’ve been handed, please select from one of the five, pre-defined themes, and begin coloring. Please be sure to color within the clearly-marked lines.”

But as simple as that sounds—growing up, it did-n’t end up being that simple for many of us.

“What’s that Johnny? You’ve selected the picture an astronaut? Johnny, do you realize that you’ve got to be really, really smart to be an astronaut? You don’t want to chose that picture, Johnny. Why don’t you choose this really nice picture of a lawyer instead. You only need to be “kinda smart” to be a lawyer, and besides, you’re great at talking yourself out of trouble!”

Man, how did some of us even cope growing up when the authority figures we looked up to the most discouraged us from truly exploring our identities and potentialities?

Besides resorting to some version of self-medication, many of us adapted by simply taking on the philosophy that “It’s okay to color outside the lines,” and that “rules are made to be broken.”

We’ve come to the conclusion that many of the boundaries that parents, schools, religions, and governments have laid down are so ill-fitting that they simply can be ignored.

And, believe me, I spent quite a number of years earlier in my adulthood living by that philosophy.

The problem was that the picture that my life manifested was not artistic, expressive, or fulfilling. Like the pages I had ruined in my Aunt’s coloring book, the picture of my life had become a muddled, ugly mess.

I was unhappy; my family was unhappy until, one day, I realized that I needed to change my philosophy.

After all I’d been through and put others through, I came to the realization that it’s not okay to color outside the lines, and that rules are made to be kept.

It’s just that, I believe, we should continuously reevaluate and, sometimes, redraw our lines based on genuine vision and sensible values—and then diligently strive to color within the boundaries that we establish for ourselves.

This means living, not a careless life, or even a care free life, but a careful life—as we strive to color within lines that are personal, yet respectful of the greater common good.

It’s not that some lines that others draw for us are valueless. Clearly there are many that are tried, tested, true—and that shouldn’t be crossed. And while there are many that we simply must accept—even it we don’t particularly like them, there are yet others that we both individually and collectively must demand be changed.

I think the key insight is that life’s more subtle strokes have no meaning for us unless we’ve chosen them for ourselves. But if we have chosen them—really and truly—then we must care enough about ourselves and the people around us to stay faithful and true to our designs.

So here’s the thing. I don’t think we can be effective—either in the line redrawing part or in the staying faithful part—unless we really dig to explore the depths of our own hearts and minds.

It’s a bit like archeology and can be scary territory. As we trace back through the layers that have ac-cum-u-lated since childhood, we uncover unique histories in the artifacts that we find buried there.

These artifacts tell the stories—the joys and the pains—of how we came to be who we are in our present form. It’s through this exhumation, examination, and reflection that we seek vision for our lives asking: Who am I? Where do I come from? Where am I going? To whom do I belong? And… How should I define myself?

How should I define myself?

For me, the context of our fellowship here at First U has become the perfect environment within which to engage this process of examination and reflection. It’s been a major component of how I’ve experienced the beauty of life these past eighteen months, and, in many ways, has becomes the very sweetest part.

And it’s a big reason why one of the lines that I’ve drawn while redesigning my own life this past year has been to take the last day of each week to rest my mind from all the bus-i-ness of life in order to reflect on thoughts that are most meaningful and engage with people that are most important.

In this way I hope that I can continuously tweak the shape that my life is taking, and enjoy the process of filling each shape with all the truth and beauty that I know my heart holds.

So on this Sabbath Sunday, I’d like to encourage us all to join in this process of digging deep into our hearts and minds.

Together, let’s dig deep enough to access all the love and intentionality that flows at the core of our be-ings. Then, once there, let’s reconsider, reconnect, redefine, re-draw, and re-become.