The Myrtle Principle
This is a true story: Once upon a time, in a land far, far away called California, my good friend Jessie lived in a little house with her husband Ron and her cat Myrtle. She loved Ron and she loved Myrtle but Ron and Myrtle did not love each other. You see, Myrtle was really Jessie’s cat. Myrtle would purr when Jessie was around and when Jessie picked her up, Myrtle loved to curl up in her arms. Myrtle would even sometimes leave her toy mouse in Jessie’s clothes as a gift to show Jessie how much she loved her.
But Myrtle would never purr when Ron came into the room and she never left him any special mouse gifts. And once when Ron tried to pick her up to put her outside, Myrtle scratched him. Most of the time, Myrtle ignored Ron and Ron ignored Myrtle.
It made Jessie so sad that her cat and her person didn’t like each other. So Jessie said to Ron, “Maybe you should try giving Myrtle a treat – like a bowl of warm milk — maybe that would help.” But Ron just shook his head and said, “No, it won’t do any good. That cat just doesn’t like me. She only likes you. She even leaves her mouse in your clothes, she likes you so much. But she does not like me.”
At that moment, Jessie had an idea. It was kind of a sneaky idea, but she thought it might just work. When Ron was upstairs and the cat wasn’t looking, she took Myrtle’s toy mouse and put it in Ron’s shoe. When Ron came back downstairs, he noticed the mouse in his shoe right away. “Jessie!” he said, amazed, “Jessie! Look at this! Myrtle gave me a gift!” Jessie just smiled mysteriously.
Jessie did it again the next day and the next and the next. One day she’d put the mouse in his shoe, then in his coat pocket, then in his hat that was sitting on the table. On the third day, she overheard Ron whispering to Myrtle that she was such a nice, good kitty. And on the fourth day, she noticed Ron heating up some milk and pouring it into a bowl for Myrtle. Myrtle looked at him with a strange look on her face and then came over and started lapping it up.
From that day on, Myrtle and Ron were the best of friends. Myrtle would purr when he came into the room and Ron would scoop her up into his arms and give her a big kiss on her furry belly.
Jessie decided that her work was done. She stopped putting Myrtle’s mouse in Ron’s shoes, but every once in a while, Ron would find the mouse there anyway. Myrtle had started giving him small gifts to tell him she loved him.
Jessie’s trick had worked. Because she figured out that the only reason Ron didn’t like Myrtle was because he thought Myrtle didn’t like him. And the only reason Myrtle didn’t like Ron was because she thought that Ron didn’t like her! And so Jessie figured out that if just one of them started being nice to the other one, the healing could begin. One of them had to go first and then they would get over all that silliness and become friends. I call it the Myrtle Principle.
You all have people – maybe brothers or sisters, cousins or classmates or teammates – who are in your lives, who are around you lots of the time. Just like Jessie, Ron, and Myrtle who all lived in the same house, these are people you can’t avoid, so when they get on your nerves, they really get on your nerves. And when you get mad at them, you get really mad. When there are bad feelings between you and one of those people who are in your lives, it feels just downright yucky. It’s kind of like something important is broken and it wants to be repaired or healed.
Sometimes it can’t be healed. Sometimes a person in your life has done something so terrible that you really can’t ever be friends again. If that’s the case for you, that’s sad but it’s okay. You don’t have to be friends with them.
But a lot of the time people have bad feelings about each other for no really good reason. Maybe you had a fight a long time ago and neither one of you even remembers what it was about. Maybe someone asked you “Can I borrow your homework?” and you thought they said, “Why don’t you go home, jerk?” and you just turned around and walked away and from then on you didn’t like him and he didn’t like you.
Jessie saw that the friendship between Myrtle and Ron was broken for no good reason and she found a tricky way to heal it. But most of us don’t have someone like Jessie around to trick us into being friends again. So we have to be our own Jessie and make the first move to make things better. This is how we make peace in the world. If we wait for the other person to do something to heal the friendship, well, we’ll probably be waiting a long time. If we’re thinking, “Let them do something nice for me first,” they’re probably thinking the same thing. And then you’re both stuck.
Someone has to go first. So why not you? It’s hard, but you be the one to go first. Say, “I’m sorry if I was ever mean to you. I want to be friends again.” Or give them a small gift. Give them something yummy to eat. Or make them a card. Or do them a favor – something they need help with. Probably don’t put a mouse in their shoe.
This time of year in the holiday season is a time when we give gifts and we are extra nice to people we love. But maybe this year, try being extra nice to someone you don’t love. If you don’t like someone or you think they don’t like you, try giving them a gift anyway. See what happens.
You will be amazed at how often the Myrtle Principle works. And that’s the real holiday spirit. And maybe, if we try hard and we’re very lucky, we can be like Jessie, Ron, and Myrtle and all live happily ever after.
